Why is the question, “Are you okay?” always hurt? Can people tell you’re not okay, and they want to hear it from you? However, once you respond, they do nothing to help you. Do they want to see how dead you are on the inside? Do they want to laugh at your darkness?
How can a single question change your mood? How can you start questioning your life with just one question? How can one question bring to light how lonely you are?
That question makes you realize that at the end of the day, all you have is yourself and your thoughts. Nobody is there to help you avoid drowning on your own. How brave you are to fight alone.
You go home and ask yourself, “Are you okay, or are you just pretending to be okay?”
You’re just pretending to be okay so that people don’t laugh at you. Or are you just doing it to show people how brave you are for fighting alone?
But you’re not even okay or brave. They have no idea how many times you have tried to end it. They have no idea how often you have blamed yourself for losing people. They have no idea how hard you try to be happy on your darkest day. They have no idea how much pain you are in. They have no idea how much weight you carry. They have no idea that darkness is hell for you. They do not know of it. The only person that knows is you, and your loneliness
That fucking question is the worst that anyone can ask. That question is a wake-up call to you that you are not okay.
When you hear that question, all you want to do is tell everyone about your darkness; you want to talk to people and tell them everything while crying; you want to say everything. You’re attempting to answer that question by asking for help but not sounding like you indeed request service.
People ask that question when they know you’re dead. They ask if they see something you never do, and they ask when they know you’re not okay.
An Anonymous Writer