Our Garden

I do not know how to start this article because I do not know how to describe how I feel right now. But I am angry. But let me clarify: I am not angry at myself, my family, or my friends; I am just slightly angry at everything. But I am so happy because I am alive. After all, it was my 28th birthday last week, and I am proud of myself and the woman I have become, but…

I am not happy with myself.

I am grateful for every little thing that I have. I am thankful for my health, family, and friends, as well as for Neisha (my dog), my planner, and so much more that I can not share right now, but I will share in the future. But I am still angry, and I can not find the source of my angriness; maybe I do know what is causing all this stress, and I do not want to admit it; I do not want to give up, but I feel like eventually I will have to give up for the best. I can not keep flying a batter within myself; a good winner knows when the battle is over, and this one is a long way gone.

I have this blog and share some, if not all, of my things here. I practice yoga and meditation, sometimes go to the gym, and eat cooked meals; I am now doing sound baths and so much more to keep myself healthy and evolve into my best version. And can you believe that I gave someone the power to affect my emotions again? I am so angry at it, which is the source of my anger. You may want to know all the tea, so I will give it to you; just set it tight.

Okay, here we go. Like I said before, I have been working on my boundaries to evolve and be the person I have always wanted to be. So recently, I encountered a passive-aggressive person with little power who was trying to put me down. I stood up for myself, and maybe I was supposed to be the bigger person. Still, instead, I reciprocated the energy, and once you reciprocated it, you are the bad one; this person did not like it and made me look passive-aggressive, and they were the victims. This is clearly dark psychology, which we can call dark manipulation. The thing is that I am very hopeful, and I am not a person that can be easily manipulated, but in this case, there is NO hope alive. That is why I must give up and move on with my life and dreams; I will not use my energy for this person when I could be using my power to build my dream life.

Do you know why I am angry? I am an expert on the mind and human behavior, so I am aware of specific characteristics that, in a way, can even control how a person feels or reacts to a situation based on evidence and my experience. I will never use those techniques in an unethical way to gain something out of someone. Yes, I like to influence people, and I am pretty sure that if you read my blogs at some point, I have also influenced you, but did I make you do something that you did not want to do or something that made you miserable, or something that goes against your values and morals? I am sure the answer to those questions is not; therefore, I am angry because I can not use that knowledge with this person, let’s call them D. I can not use it because there is a conflict of interest; if I go all in an influence D the one who will get all the benefit is me, and I will make their life miserable. I am not that person; that would be dark psychology and manipulation; I would primarily use my knowledge to help others, not to make them do whatever I want, because, in the same way, I can be good and harmful. But it is my decision to be good, and I will not let a miserable person dictate that.

You may have encountered this type of person. It does not matter how you approach them; they are always the victim, susceptible when you call them out, and very aggressive when it is time for them to call you out. They do not care about anyone’s well-being but themselves; they do not play by the rules and get away without any consequences because they know how to manipulate everyone around them. Everyone knows this person is immoral and a manipulator. Still, you can not do much because you are tired of trying, and you get to a point where either you keep going and lose yourself, or you give up and start a new life. The second option is always the best (Only if you are not a therapist or work in the mental health field, but if you are, you must try your best to keep believing in that person). But at the end of it all, you are human.

People, places, and situations come and go. Everything transitions to a better or worse situation; it is up to you whether you want to go right or left. So, I am angry at myself because I need to move on. I was comfortable where I was, but confirmability does not equal stability.

Since we are in Our Garden, let me tell you something about gardening and growth. The water, the sun, and the soil are the sources responsible for the development of a garden; if the plant or flower is placed in the wrong place, if it does not have a certain amount of water, or if they do not get enough sunlight, the pant/flower eventually will die. The same thing happens with people; if you are in the wrong environment, with the wrong people, your efforts are not even recognized. Eventually, you will die, too, and you will become a miserable person. I refuse that to happen to me; therefore, I am moving.

Now that I have experienced myself, I am less anxious and ready to start my “MOVING ON PLAN.” So, if you have been in my place and have any suggestions, I am open to your comments. The university is on my side and will get through this.

With Love

Denivez